Sole destroying

Foot Solutions: rejuvenate your sole

 Tracked down by @sloganhunter

 Chirpy naffness like you wouldn't believe.  Actually, I'm not sure what I find more annoying - the slogan, or the company's name...

Sloganised Bollocks

palletline: The People Driving Palletised Distribution

 Slogan capturised by @sloganhunter

 Another bloody pallet company.  It must be the same guy doing all their slogans, surely?  

It's chicken, Jim, but not as we know it...

Diaper Poultry: MORE THAN JUST POULTRY 

 Slogan snatched by @rob_falconer

 Well, this is just wonderful.  A superb debut from Mr Falconer, who tells me he nearly broke his ankle running to get the photo before the traffic lights changed.  That's the kind of dedication we admire. 

D'yeh do extras, pet?

Finlux: happy Finnish

 Slogan captured by @Sloganhunter

 This is deliberate, right?  I mean, why else would you have a slogan that's basically a euphemism for a wank in a massage parlour?

*Your* Crap Slogan

Gatwick: Your London Airport

 Slogan captured by @Sloganhunter

Another obnoxiously lazy trend in slogans is the use of "Your", as if GIP is just a big family we're all part of, and that's supposed to make us feel better about the massive queues at immigration.  It's not our London airport, it's yours, and it's your responsibility to make it fucking work!

Back To School

Cavendish Primary School: Where Learning is an Adventure

 Captured by @falconermusic

 "Where learning is a tedious conveyor belt, run by people who used to care, but who now just desperately want you to get through various tests and exams devised by cretinous philistines in government laboratories*."

Why do schools even need slogans?!  At least this slice of Disney-esque nonsense isn't in Comic Sans.



*Not that this would necessarily apply to the staff of Cavendish Primary, of course.

Logistical Nightmare

PalletFORCE: the network that is owned by its members

 Captured by @falconermusic

 What is it about logistics companies, particularly ones that deal with pallets, that make them so bad with slogans?  This one rolls off the tongue as smooth as a Lego pineapple. 

Installing boredom

axium: installing confidence

 Downloaded by @sloganhunter

 Just bland.

Blue Sky Bullshit

mico pac: thinking outside the box

 Slogan captured by @Falconermusic 

 This is annoying.  "Thinking outside the box" started out as management speak, just like "Going forward", "Action" as a verb, and "Incentivize".  Now, however, it's passed into ordinary day-to-day language, and Mico Pac using it as their slogan only serves to reemphasise how this impacts on our personal interfacing on a day by day basis.

Naturally awful

Masala Indian Restaurant: All your Indian favourites, naturally

  Captured by @waldofabulous

 One of those slogans that's actually clever when you think about it rationally, but your gut instinct when reading it is to vomit at its naffness. The green colouring of the word "naturally" could only be made more cheesy by putting it in an angled faux-handwriting font, so let's just be thankful they didn't do that.

THE longest slogan on the high street.

richerSOUNDS: THE UK'S HI-FI, HOME CINEMA & FLAT PANEL TV SPECIALISTS!

 Snatched by @Falconermusic

  You know our thoughts on the "The" business.

Two for one!

merson signs: leading the way

merson signs, others follow

 Slogans snatched by @falconermusic

 Well, here's an interesting thing - not ten feet away from the not-completely-awful-but-still-pretty-obvious slogan on the van, was this bonus - with its dodgy layout and broken shift key, we liked this one.

Dynamite!

TNT: sure we can

 Slogan captured by @falconermusic

 Oh, it's just a mess.  Half handwritten; half underlined; the chirpy Americanised tone... Horrid.

Olympian Bullshit

BMW: Driving London 2012 with EfficientDynamics

 Snatched by @Waldofabulous

 This was the slogan adopted by BMW's official olympic car fleet, as Automotive and Sustainability Partner to the London 2012 Olympics.  I don't think I need to say any more.

Distinctively naff

Wooden Heart Weybridge: ... kitchens of distinction

 Captured by @Falconermusic

 Right, why the ellipsis?  And also, we checked them out: they're just kitchens.  No teleportation pods, no hot-tub, no velociraptor-shaped mixer tap.  Completely indistinct.

Now showing everywhere!

JCDecaux: showcasing the world

 Slogan captured by @falconermusic

 The whole world?

It's My Life!

No Tampax, No Glory

 Snatched by @shelleykayeell

 Right... what?

Bowled over

Today's Bowler: ... often controversial, sometimes radical, rarely dull

 Slogan snatched by @pandacetamol

 Pandacetamol spotted this one at a "sporting getaway place" in Devon, and what a cracker it is.  "Rarely dull" - are they admitting that it's sometimes dull?  And what "radical" content could one expect to find in a magazine on lawn and carpet bowls?  Just wonderful.

Thanks to Pandacetamol for submitting this one - keep your eyes peeled, folks, and send 'em in!

Instructions for submitting a slogan

And now, for your pleasure, here's the entire front cover:

It's all relative

Heathrow: Making every journey better

 Captured by @falconermusic

 Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, maybe.  Why does an airport need a slogan anyway?  Who chooses their flights based on the range of duty free shopping at this end?

Damning with faint praise

Fulwell Golf Club: One of London's finest

 Captured by @falconermusic

 Always struck me as a bit weak, this one.  I mean, if you're not actually London's finest golf club, then why crow about being second (or third) best?  I mean they get points for honesty, but is this really the best thing they can say about their club? 

Bad gas

British Gas: Looking after your world

 Snatched by @falconermusic

 Yeah, you're not though are you.  Not in any sense.  You money-grabbing fuckers.

Force *this*

Enterprise: The Force Behind Pharmacy

 Slogan snapped by @falconermusic

 YEAH!

The Perfect Solution

Pallex: The Perfect Solution

 Slogan Snatched by @falconermusic

 Not only lazy, but they've gone for the friendly handwriting angle as well.

To fly, perchance to be delayed.

British Airways: To Fly. To Serve. It's what we do. It's who we are.

 Slogan Snatched by @falconermusic

 Well this one is a beauty.  You've got at least two slogans in there, laid out in a way that would be more suited to a branch of the armed forces. 

Their television advert says "To Fly. To Serve" are the four words British Airways workers live by, which surprised me as I thought they were, "Sorry, sir - we've overbooked."

THE laziest type of slogan.

abacus: The vehicle hire company

Slogan snatched by @Sloganhunter

Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Sharing The Expectation...

Walton Leigh School: Sharing the expectation and the challenge

 Slogan snatched by @waldofabulous

Even without the Comic Sans, this is nauseating in the extreme.  Sharing the expectation and the crushing disappointment would probably be more appropriate.

Parents will also be reassured to know that Walton Leigh is a specialist in "learning". 

Maintaining the Future

Burleys: Maintaining the Future

Slogan snatched by @Waldofabulous

 Not content with trimming a few hedges, Burleys have taken it upon themselves to look after the entire human race!

Magic carpets

Victoria Carpets ...where great carpets begin

Snatched by @waldofabulous

Bonus points for the friendly, "handwritten" slogan.

Learning Together

Snatched by @waldofabulous

One in a long line of ghastly "the teachers learn just as much as the children" slogans.

Inspired by you

3663: inspired by you

Snatched by @Sloganhunter

3663 is, it says here, "a wholesale food supplier providing food delivery and catering solutions to the hospital and foodservice industry."  Quite how they're "inspired" by us remains a mystery.  

Society pages

Loomis: "Managing cash in society"

Slogan snatched by @waldofabulous

Loomis transports cash around in armoured vehicles.  You'd think their slogan would be something to do with strength, security or brute force.  But no, they've decided they need to remind people that they're a part of society too, as if their officers regularly help old ladies across the road while they're lugging secure boxes of tenners out of a bank. 

Setting the standard

MNPA: "we care"

We decided to start this blog when we were wondering how many companies use the lazy, hackneyed, and almost always ironic slogan "... because we care".

MNPA is a pensions company.  We'll leave it up to you how that affects the irony level of this one, but it definitely scores a 10 for naffness.