USA SPECIAL: Terrific Tautology

BONANZA GIFT & SOUVENIR SHOPS:
IF IT'S IN STOCK WE HAVE IT!

 Snatched by @Falconermusic

 When we set this site up, I knew straight away I needed to come back to Vegas to collect this one.  It's an absolute beauty.  I'm sure the owner knew exactly what he was doing, and indeed this doesn't really go under the heading of "crap slogans"... but we couldn't run a slogan website and not bring this to your attention.  Wonderful!

USA SPECIAL: An inspiration to us all

pork: Be inspired

 Snatched by @falconermusic

 Sublime. 

USA SPECIAL: Cause for concern?

ALARMCO: OUR BUSINESS IS ALARMING

 Snatched by @Falconermusic

 This made us chuckle... but might it not send a confusing message?

"So what business do you do?"
"We loosen the clips that hold the railway lines in place."
"Now that's alarming!"

USA SPECIAL: Completely f'n naff

VINNIE FAVORITO: COMPLETELY F'N CRAZY!

 Captured by @F'nrmusic

 Awful.  Or maybe he's got a thing about fish and scuba divers?

USA SPECIAL: Time for a better slogan

OMEGA: Growing the game of golf on Earth.

 Captured by @falconermusic

 Growing the game?  And on what other planets were you thinking of "growing" some golf? 

USA SPECIAL: Hail Caesar!

The Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace: Veni. Vidi. Whoopee!

 Captus per @Falconermusic

 Can't decide whether this is brilliant or awful.

USA SPECIAL: from the scraggy end of Las Vegas Blvd

ANDREW DICE CLAY: Putting the SIN back in the CITY

 Captured by @falconermusic

 Tit.
 

USA SPECIAL: Tortillas of the Gods!

Tortillas Incorporated Los Arcos: MMMH! ...MECHAS COMO DIOS MANDA

 Captured by @falconermusic

 Welcome to the first of our International Slogans!  This one was spotted in Las Vegas, and translates as:

MMMH! ...MADE AS GOD COMMANDS

Now, we're much more comfortable with the idea of there being a god who tells people to make tortillas, rather than to bludgeon prostitutes or fly aeroplanes into skyscrapers... but still, this one struck us as being a little over the top...

Not worth the effort

JAMES REMOVALS: For the complete Removal Service; excellence through effort

 

 Snatched by @sloganhunter

 This is a whole script for a radio advert on the back of a van.  Excellence through effort, though, sounds like it's been created by a random slogan generator... hmm - must investigate that possibility...

Best Foot Forward

OK, this isn't a slogan as such, but we were very impressed by the name of this combined chiropodist and shoe shop:

A cup of caring coffee

coffee beanery: Coffee People Who Care

 Snatched by @styladelica

 Textbook. Thanks to Styladelica for this contribution.  Remember, you can contribute your own slogans through the Twitter links on the right or via email.  Be sure to read the submission guidelines before you do!

Why do they do it?

VISBEEN: Because we care

 Captured by @Sloganhunter

 Logistics companies are our bread & butter, but slogans like these are a smear of jam on the top. Wonderful, wonderful work.  And "handwritten" as well.  It's a beautiful thing.

Hot Air

WeSTWay HEATING: INSTALLING OUR REPUTATION

 Captured by @sloganhunter

 If my last plumber was anything to go by, they're more likely to be installing a new boiler whether we like it or not.  Though I'm sure Westway Heating are far more reputable. 

Honestly?

SAMAMIAH ENTERPRISE: SO FAR SO GOOD; RELIABILITY & HONESTY IS OUR GOAL

 Snatched by @sloganhunter

 This is one of my absolute favourites. There's the first slogan "So Far So Good", which for a logistics company isn't actually too bad - cheery and unpretentious... but then they deliver this absolute cracker: "Reliability & honesty is our goal".  Leaving aside the grammatical minefield of "is/are", my first thought was that honesty in a shipping firm should be a given - not a goal! 'We've been trying hard not to run off with our customers' belongings and we're pleased to report a 50% reduction in silverwear "going missing"'

Of course, I must point out that I've no reason to believe the people at Samamiah Enterprise are anything but honest and reliable - it's the slogan we're attacking here, not the company!

Criminally bad

Metropolitan Police: TOTAL POLICING

 Captured by @falconermusic

 Why do the police even need a slogan?!  It's not like they're in competition with anybody!  And if they're worried about their image, this stinks of football manager-ese and suggests brain-dead, aggressive, gung-ho, brute-force style tactics, which I'm not sure is what they really want right now...  

Excellent Bullshit

RICHMOND HOUSING Partnership: Partners for Excellence

 Captured by @falconermusic

 "Excellence" is one of those words that got bandied around local councils about five years ago, much like "Sustainability" is today.

Bollocks. 

Heart of the matter

AGA Rangemaster: Putting heart and soul into every home

 Captured by @sloganhunter

 Steady on, it's only a bloody cooker!  

Raising the roof...

DCR ROOFING: The Best Thing About us is Our Roofs

 Captured by @falconermusic 

 Oh my word, yes - I think this is my new favourite.  An absolute car crash of grammar, layout and naffness.  Three cheers for DCR Roofing!

No Soyprises

Cappuccino SOY DRINK: Tastes Soyprisingly Good

 Soybmitted by @ShelleyKayeEll

 A quick look on the internet reveals the company that emblazons this mosntrosity on their product is called Vivesoy.  Not only is it a horribly shoe-horned pun, but the message is essentially "Our products don't taste quite as shit as you think they will!"  Awful.

Remember, you can contribute your own slogans through the Twitter links on the right or via email.  Be sure to read the submission guidelines before you do!

Another one of YOUR slogans.

BLITZ: making more of your event

 Captured by @sloganhunter

 It's not a bad slogan in itself- it's the underlining of 'your' that gets to us here at SHHQ. 

 

I'm holding out for a slogan...

Timberland: NATURE NEEDS HEROES

  Captured by @falconermusic

 Nature needs portly middle aged men on hiking tours.

Nature vs Nurture

nurture: garderners who care

  Snatched by @falconermusic

  Why would you even bother?

Every Day. Every single day.

phs Wastetech: Practical Solutions Every Day

 Snatched by @sloganhunter

 Another unimaginative non-slogan.  I'm yet to find out if their helpline's open on Sundays.

At least they didn't put "every day" in friendly handwriting...

Secret Cinema

 Queueing to get in to the IMAX at Waterloo recently, I found myself reading this poster advertsing their corporate business facilities.  'Crap slogan?' you say. '"The Modern Corporate Venue" seems perfectly reasonable.'

Well quite.  But look closer at the example photo of a business using their facilities for a conference:

ARIBALive: IT'S TIME FOR SPEND MANAGEMENT

 Captured by @falconermusic

 Jackpot!

A pair of aces

Martinair CARGO: Your Wings

 Ok, as far as logistics company slogans go, this only rates about 6.9 on the Tarbuck scale of naffness, but it's still pretty poor.  HOWEVER, they also had this absolutely beauty on the same lorry:

It takes wings to make miracles happen

  What a corker.  Who in the name of Christ thought this one up?  One for the Crap Slogan Hall Of Fame, definitely.

Slogans snatched by @falconermusic

A slice of quality

Pizza 2 Night: QUALITY MATTERS!

 Sliced by @falconermusic

 Another textbook slogan - this was one of the slogans that got us thinking about doing this site in the first place.  If you see any like this, or any other crap slogan, please send it our way.  Check out the slogan submission guidelines first!

The old one was better.

Tuffnells: ...People Who Care

  Captured by @falconermusic

  Used to be "The Lean Mean Parcel Machine".  This, though, is textbook bollocks.

Great Scott!

CONWAY: great people - great work

  Captured by @SloganHunter

  Yes, but what do they do?

Through our self delivery model, and combining our in-house Professional Services team with front line operational excellence, we inspect, design, build, produce, enhance and maintain essential infrastructure services for the community.

Well that's clear, then. I'm willing to bet these people aren't great at all. More than likely they're bullshit-talking tosspots.